Hair Cut

One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.' The florist was pleased and left the shop. When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.

Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you , I'm doing community service this week.' The cop was happy and left the shop. The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.

Then a Member of Parliament came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I can not accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The Member of Parliament was very happy and left the shop. The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen other Members of Parliament lined up waiting for a free haircut.

And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.

BOTH POLITICIANS AND DIAPERS

NEED TO BE CHANGED OFTEN

AND

FOR THE SAME REASON

Spesial

Hendak dijadikan satu cerita, ada seorang Orang Kaya Baru yang berasal dari di kampung. Beliau menjadi jutawan segera kerana tanah pusakanya telah di beli oleh kerajaan kerana hendak membina sebuah projek mega lebuhraya.

Sewaktu susah dahulu, dia teringin sangat hendak ke Kuala Lumpur. Setelah menjadi kaya, dia pun ke Kuala Lumpur bersama seorang body guard merangkap pembantu peribadi.

Di Kuala Lumpur, dia menginap di Hotel K.L International. Sampai sahaja di sana, dia terasa lapar. Diapun meminta body guardnya membelikan makanan.

O.K.B (Orang Kaya Baru ): Perut aku sudah lapar, tolong belikan sebungkus mee goreng spesial.
Mat : Mee goreng spesial tu macam mana Bos?
O.K.B : Mee goreng spesial tu ada dua biji telor!
Mat : Ooooo. baik Bos.

Pagi itu , si O.K.B inipun makan mee goreng spesial itu sehingga kenyang.
memanpanggil pembantunya lagi.

O.K.B : Mat! aku masih lapar ni, tolong belikan sebungkus nasi goreng spesial.
Mat : Nasi goreng spesial? yang ada dua biji telor tu Bos?
O.K.B : Wah, Sekarang kau sudah tahu aku punya taste ye?
Mat : Mesti lah Bos, bagi saya dalam masa 10 minit sahaja...

Lepas makan, si O.K.B itupun tertidur sehingga maghrib. Dia pun terbangun sebab air-cond di biliknya terlalu sejuk. Oleh kerana sudah tertidur sepanjang petang maka susahlah dia hendak tidur lagi. Dia berguling sana berguling sini, tidak juga boleh tidur. Oleh kerana tidak tahu hendak buat apa, dia pun memanggil body guard nya lagi

O.K.B : Mattt!
Mat : Ya.. Bos,
O.K.B : Mari sini sekejap...
Mat : Ada apa Boss?
O.K.B : Mat..(dengan nada berbisik) Kau pergi cari seorang awek untuk aku , hanya yang spesial tau.
Mat : (Sambil tergaru-garu kepala) ok Bos!

Si Mat ini manalah tahu dengan awek-awek yang boleh pakai. Tetapi, Bos punya pasal dia pun pergi cari juga. Sejam kemudian dia pun menghantar seorang awek ke dalam bilik Bosnya. Si Mat ini pun ditugaskan hanya standby di luar bilik sahaja, manalah tahu, tiba-tiba pencegah maksiat datang. Selepas lima minit, tiba-tiba terdengar suara yang menjerit kuat dari dalam bilik bosnya.

O.K.B : MAT!
Mat : Ada apa Bos?
O.K.B : Kenapa kau cari bapok untuk aku?.. aku kata awek!
Mat : La... tadi Bos kata tolong carikan seorang awek yang spesial. Bos juga kata, jika yang spesial itu mesti ada dua biji telor!
O.K.B : ..?

Biskut Punya Hal

Keindahan yang hakiki datangnya dari hati yang ikhlas bukan dari pandangan seseorang. Seorang wanita di lapangan terbang sedang menunggu waktu penerbangannya. Sambil menunggu dia makan biskut yang dibelinya sebelum itu dan membaca buku cerita. Sedang dia makan dia terperasan yang lelaki disebelahnya turut mengambil biskut dari bungkusan yang sama yang terletak disebelahnya.

Setiap keping biskut yang dia ambil lelaki itu turut mengambil sama. Didalam hati wanita itu menyumpah-nyumpah lelaki itu. Alangkah tidak malunya lelaki ini, sudah lah tidak minta dari aku, makan sama banyak dengan aku pula. Pencuri! rungut wanita itu dalam hati.

Dalam pada itu lelaki itu dengan muka yang tenang terus dengan perbuatannya. Hinggalah sampai ke biskut yang terakhir terdapat dalam bungkusan itu. Wanita itu menunggu reaksi dari lelaki itu. Sambil tersenyum lelaki itu mengambil biskut yang terakhir itu lalu dipatah dua lantas memberikan separuh darinya kepada wanita itu.Wanita itu menjadi begitu marah namun dia tetap menahan dirinya dari mememarahi lelaki itu.

Sambil merampas dengan kasar biskut yang separuh itu dan menunjukkan mukanya yang masam mencuka wanita itu berkata dalam hatinya. Berani sungguh lelaki ini. Memang muka tidak malu. Pencuri besar.

Kedua- dua wanita dan lelaki itu terus duduk sehingga panggilan untuk menaiki pesawat untuk wanita itu sampai. Sambil menarik nafas lega seolah baru lepas dari satu kejadian ngeri wanita itu bergerak menaiki pesawatnya.

Apabila dia sampai ditempat duduk nya beliau membuka beg kecilnya untuk mengambil barang. Alangkah terkejutnya dia bila melihat satu bungkusan biskut berada di dalam begnya masih elok belum terbuka.

Jika biskuti ni ada dalam beg aku jadi bermakna biskut yang aku makan tadi... Ya, biskut yang dimakannya tadi adalah kepunyaan lelaki itu. Alangkah malunya dia atas segala tindakannya terhadap lelaki itu. Lelaki itu telah sanggup berkongsi biskut dengannya sehingga biskut yang terakhir biar pun dari awal lagi wanita itu telah menunjukkan reaksi marahnya.

Untuk meminta maaf sudah terlambat namun hatinya penuh kekesalan kerana bersifat kedekut dan tidak mahu berkongsi dengan orang lain. Kini dia menyedari bahawa dialah pencuri biskut yang sebenar.

Moral 1 : Oleh itu...jangan makan biskut masa tunggu bas/keretapi/kapal terbang, makan benda lain.

Moral 2 : Lelaki lebih cool semasa makan biskut berbanding perempuan.

Moral 3 : Jika tidak hendak kongsi biskut dengan orang lain, kongsi lah cerita ini dengan orang lain.

Joke Smoke

I am Peter Stuyvesant
I have two friends, Benson and Hedges
I came from the city of Malrboro,
In the Salem high country
I Always carry a MildSeven
I rode on a White Horse
Going to Kingsway in Kent
It was Lucky Strike I fell in love
With the daughter of Master Duke
Her name Was YSL
We got married by Perillys, the priest
We checked in at the house of Dunhill
And booked into room number 555
I laid her on the bed made of Gold Leaf
I played with her two Matterhorns
When I poked in my Rothmans King Size
She cried in delight, "You are a Rough Rider!!!"
You are riding like a mad Camel
When I asked her if she is satisfied
She answered" I want MORE!!!!"
Then suddenly she turned around and asked me if I want to
enter her Gudang Garam.
She said... depan belakang puas, barulah Sampoerna!!

Court Case

One evening, after attending the theater, two gentlemen were walking down the avenue when they observed a rather well dressed and attractive young lady walking ahead of them. One of them turned to the other and remarked, "I'd give $250 to spend the night with that woman."

Much to their surprise, the young lady overheard their remark, turned around, and replied, "I'll take you up on that offer."

She had a neat appearance and a pleasant voice, so after bidding his companion good night, the man accompanied the young lady to her apartment. The following morning, as he prepared to leave, the man gave her $125. She demanded the rest of the money, stating, "If you don't give me the other $125 I'll sue you for it."

He laughed, saying "I'd like to see you get it on these grounds." Within a few days, he was surprised when he received a summons ordering his presence in court as a defendant in a lawsuit. He hurried to his lawyer and explained the details of the case. His lawyer said, "She can't possibly get a judgment against you on such grounds, but it will be interesting to see how her case will be presented."

After the usual preliminaries, the lady's Lawyer addressed the court as follows:

"Your honor, my client, this lady, is the owner of a piece of property, a garden spot, surrounded by a profuse growth of shrubbery, which property she agreed to rent to the defendant for a specified length of time for the sum of $250. The defendant took possession of the property, used it extensively for the purposes for which it was rented, but upon evacuating the premises, he paid only $125, one-half of the amount agreed upon. The rent was not excessive, since it is restricted property, and we ask judgment be granted against the defendant to assure payment of the balance."

The defendant's Lawyer was not only surprised but also impressed AND amused by the way his opponent had presented the case. Naturally, his defense was somewhat different from the way he originally planned to present it. He rose to the occasion!

'Your honor," he said, "my client agrees that the lady has a fine piece of property, that he did rent such property for a time, and a degree of pleasure was derived from the transaction. However, my client found a well on the property around which he placed his own stones, sunk a shaft, and erected a pump, all labor performed personally by him. We claim these improvements to the property were sufficient to offset the unpaid amount, and that the plaintiff was adequately compensated for the rental of said property. We, therefore, ask that judgment not be granted."

The young lady's lawyer answered, "Your honor, my client agrees that the defendant did find a well on her property. However, had the defendant not known that the well existed, he would never have rented the property. Also, upon evacuating the premises, the defendant removed the stones, pulled out the shaft, and took the pump with him. In doing so, he not only dragged the equipment through the shrubbery, but left the hole much larger than it was prior to his occupancy, making the property much less desirable to others. We, therefore, ask that judgment be granted."

In the Judge's decision, he provided for two options: "Pay the balance $125 to the plaintiff, or have the equipment detached from its current location and provide it to the plaintiff for damages."

The defendant wrote out a check immediately.

Case closed!